beneath masquerades

Kk

2007-01-28T01:49:00.000+08:00

K

2007-01-28T01:47:00.000+08:00

New Year, New Blog

2007-01-02T03:12:00.000+08:00

http://xinpei.wordpress.com/

bah humbug

2006-12-30T17:02:00.000+08:00

My dad has a date tonight haha. Guess i'm the only one that is going to be alone for 2007 sheesh =( but I was the one to tell my dad to go find someone else cos i don't want to take care of him next time haha.

I have a dinner gathering with my ex classmates from mg tonight. Last night i was telling stephanie how it was going to be a school theme and we were suppose to wear school uniforms and all that. I was just checking my message history on msn with my friend to get the address and all that and then it hit me that maybe i never had a conversation with her about school uniforms and it was a dream i had. But she could have messaged me on the phone and i have been deleting my messages so i'm really confused now haha. It's so idiotic right and it would seems a little odd to ask if i am suppose to wear my school uniform if the conversation never happened. Man i feel like such a shit head now haha.

Sins of the love addict

2006-12-28T16:01:00.000+08:00

and now i am facing the repercussions of it. It is unlike me to blame anyone else for the ill decisions that i make but i wonder if people blame themselves as much as i blame myself. I guess it doesn't matter, i don't need or want anyone responsible for me. I am thinking if it could have been all about timing but then there really isn't a good time for shit to happen.

This is my resolution.

2006-12-28T01:23:00.000+08:00

Met nelson today, i haven't seen him for like 4 years haha. It's funny how 4 years and studying in new york can change a person so much but i guess it's for the better. Anyway we drove all the way to Tampines today cos i wanted to check out the ikea there, i was so freaking disappointed it's just a bigger version of the ikea at queensway and everything is the same. We ended up in boring town after that but we chilled and talked, it was nice =)

Recently my blogs has been all about going out and having fun with people. I don't usually have a habit of writing about who i've been out with and useless things i've been doing unless it really absolutely made my day. I was just trying to remind myself that i do have a lot of people in my life that do care enough about me to want to spend time with me and that i have no reason to feel like i'm lonely or in need of someone.

I've been reading a book about coping with love obsession. For as long as anyone has known me, they would also know about my undying obsession for finding someone special and falling in love. I've come to realise that loving for me has become more of an illness rather than a virtue. It comes from my childhood of rejection, never quite fitting in with the crowd. I'm under a false impression that if someone were to love me then i would finally feel accepted and belonged but love isn't what it seems in the theatres, it's hardly a fairytale. If there's anything i've learnt from romance movies, it has to be that love is only meant for beautiful people. There is a reason why Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are chosen for the part of Mr and Mrs Smith because only beautiful people can find love and what do you know...they live happily after off screen too haha.

Rainy wednesday

2006-12-27T03:48:00.000+08:00

Went gyming at ronny's place in the evening. He's someone who really tickles me, i always end up laughing till i get breathless. There was a huge gym ball and we started playing basketball with it (in a really confined place), it was fun haha. We headed out for beer after showering and stuff but everywhere we went were just about to close and we drove for like an hour before deciding to get some beer and chill out at his old house. We went to a store to get some beer but it was after 1am so they couldn't sell us beer but he somehow manage to sweet talk the 'lady' into selling us some haha..it was pretty funny and we got some icecream too =)

he has an even bigger gym ball in his old house...played soccer with it haha. =)

Box you day

2006-12-26T03:04:00.000+08:00

I watched The Holiday with watson today. I didn't like it, it was draggy, cliche, predictable...like any other silly romance movie. New year resolution for 2007....stay away from romance movies. I've been so snappy this christmas season, christmas just ain't what it use to be. I think the person i spent christmas with last year kinda killed christmas for me. Maybe it's time for me to grow up.........christmas is just another day except with turkey on the dinner table.

Do they walk away from things that easily or do they have greater discipline as to not looking back?

Merry Christmas

2006-12-25T16:11:00.000+08:00

It is usually christmas tradition for me to wake up early on christmas morning and watch christmas cartoons but i didn't wake up till 1pm. I was out beering with loi, kenneth and some of their friends till 3am last night. Xiaojuan was suppose to come along too but she couldn't make it. Anyway I think i can't hold my liqour well, puked again haha and that just help me decide on my new years resolutution. But i'm pretty happy about puking my christmas dinner calories out haha =)

Draft of Xinpei's New Years Resolutions for 2007:
1. Stay away from alcohol, chocolates and ~~men~~ boys
2.
3.
.
.
.
.

I just realise i didn't receive a single christmas present this year haha and only 1 christmas card!, i guess it comes from being a bitch the whole year round. Well actually xiaojuan and loi still owe me a present la haha, always late on presents and christmas cards and i guess the rest of the 'friends' i've come in contact with this year are just bad investments and bloody ingrates haha. Merry Christmas =)

Merry Christmas eve eve

2006-12-23T22:52:00.000+08:00

I watched night at the museum today....i loved it! I love any show that has a big happy ending and it was really funny too, Happy =)

loi, xj and i went for a class gathering today at our teacher's house. I think the best thing about the gathering is that the 3 of us are back together again haha =) We use to have names for our gang of 3 but it kept changing because we take the first letter of the names of the guys we liked and xiaojuan's love interest changes every month. Once we were called JAMmies, J for jack (xj's), A for Aaron (mine) and M for loi's ex. So i'm thinking what about now? Y for xiaojuan's new love interest (again), K for loi's kenneth and since i am swearing off love again (this time i have a book to help me hahaha) so our group name is KY-, KY jelly =) hahaha....ok fine it's a little lame.

I was talking to my dad today about his cellgroup people and what he's been up to. He was telling me once his friend brought her dog to their cellgroup meeting and her dog approached him and started humping his leg......HAHAHAHAHA it's so freaking funny and my dad was totally embarassed. This reminds me of another funny incident, when i was with my dad and my aunt's family in penang we bought a packet of fortune cookies, we all had one and had pretty good fortune messages except my dad whose fortune said 'If you're hungry, take another cookie' hahaha.

Christmas shopping!

2006-12-23T04:14:00.000+08:00

I wenth out with xiaojuan after the kid's camp. We went to watch some chinese show starring gong li, chow yuan fat and jay chou, basically everyone died or went mad haha. We did some christmas shopping, i just remembered why i don't like shopping with steph and xiaojuan, cos i end up spending a lot of money...bah humbug. We bought ourselves new havaianas, my fifth pair =) and xiaojuan's 6th or 7th pair haha. I don't know who has more havaianas...xiaojuan or loi hahaha.

Xiaojuan and i went out for beer at brekos after all the shopping and movie. I know i said before that i hate brekos cos i think it's such a cheapass place that only JC students go to but after all that shopping only thing we want are cheapass beers haha. So anyway, we were beering and chatting and i realise how much i miss her haha. Sometimes i forget how important she is to me la *hugs.

Sangria O Sangria 2

2006-12-22T00:40:00.000+08:00

Went for drinks with loi after work and we both had sangria...brings back lovely memories =) I was completely waste, loi and sam cleaning up my vomit hahaha. I've been buying a food magazine called Delicious, they have a lot of good recipes inside and i found out how to make sangria haha.

Sangria

750ml bottle fruity red wine (such as grenache)
2 shots Cointreau
1/4 cup orange juice
1/4 cup lime juice
1/4 cup brandy
1 orange, sliced
1 lemon, sliced
1 1/2 cups chilled sparkling mineral water
2-3 cups ice, to serve

Combine the wine, Cointreau, orange and lime juice, brandy and citrus slices in bowl. Cover with plastic wrap and chill for 1-2 hrs. Just before serving, stir in mineral water and ice =)

Went for Kids world camp in the morning.....tsk once again poorly planned. Xiaojuan and i saw a damn cute boy at the camp hehe, we were going gaga over him la.

oooh baby

2006-12-20T20:07:00.001+08:00

Went to ronny's place for a while in the evening and saw a lot of damn nice cars. I saw this Ferrari parked beside a Maserati and they had the same number plate. I love Maseratis =) The Ferrari damn cool la, see the glass panel at the back of the car? you can actually look in and see the engine haha bet you guys already know that la haha oh well. Oh and i saw a Porche Carrera4 too.

SLK with P-plate KNN Hahahaha. Ronny was telling me he has a friend who drives a Gallardo, she got her drivers license like 5 years back but she leaves the P-plate on just to piss people off haha.

Loi came over to bake cheesecake in the afternoon, it was quite disappointing cos they didn't turn out pretty like the other time, it has cracks and everything. Ronny said he wanted to bake with us but he came over and did nothing la...moron.

I'm lovin' the rain

2006-12-20T01:50:00.000+08:00

I met up with loi for icecream in the afternoon. I love having icecream and driving on rainy days. I love numbing cold, it brings back memories of snowy christmas in switzerland and sledding down the mountains.

Met Ronny for dinner, watched casino royale and we're beering now at ice cold bar. 3 asahi beer at $20 =) Anyway i didn't like casino royale, it didn't feel like a james bond movie.

Merry Christmas

2006-12-19T01:17:00.000+08:00

Christmas is nearing. No Christmas Cards this year....i sent out my heart last year only to have it trampled on, it's still healing. I wanted to have a christmas dinner for the people i love but i'm kinda busy, i volunteered to help out at a kid's world camp from 21st-23rd dec =( and i'm low on budget haha.....maybe new years, pot luck, few people and jack daniels on me?

What's been up?

2006-12-18T22:03:00.000+08:00

Penang was freaking boring. I don't get the hype over penange laksa, i hated it but the char kway teow was good. That's all i can say about penang haha.

Haven't been doing much the past few days...had dinner at crossroads with watson on fri, it was a dinner buffet, the food wasn't great but the dessert was fantastic. They all look really good, i had a bit of everything! I love the macaroons..i had so many of it la haha. Sat was spent beering with loi at her beer and sausage barbeque, it was pretty awesome. My first beer in ages! I went to church yesterday, it was my dad's water baptism, it lasted the whole afternoon la and today is my dad's birthday! =)

I'm thinking of joining a gym. I have one-for-one membership at Fitness First...anyone interested?

Happy humping bunnies

2006-12-18T18:01:00.000+08:00

I walked in on my bunnies having sex today.......I'm like ewwwwwwwwwwwww. They are bunnies! they are suppose to be pure and innocent!Anyway i was right fudge is a boy and jellybean is the girl. My bunnies are so big and fat now it makes me want to knit them a sweater that covers up to their ankles haha. And they are bloody money drainers but i still love them la.

I was in the living room today and i had this sudden urge to do a cartwheel and i did. I couldn't stop stop giggling after that haha. I think the last time i did a cartwheel was in Primary Six and it's just fun to do something that i haven't done in a while. I think i am going to make it a birthday tradition to do a cartwheel every year on my birthday. I want to be 50 years old and still able to do a cartwheel. So if you haven't done a cartwheel in years, do it now! It's a good stretch too!

I love the weather today! It rained the whole damn day =)

Flying

2006-12-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

I'm flying to Penang tomorrow. I love being on the plane, looking out the window at the pretty clouds =) I hope i'll be missed.........

Yum

2006-12-08T22:39:00.000+08:00

I made cheesecake with loi today. I kinda hate the lighting for this photo but my adobe isn't working so i can't edit it. Anyway i think they look damn pretty and they taste good =) We made orange kahlua cake too, they didn't look that nice but the taste was good.

Met lex for dinner at holland. We had pasta at breko, irritated my throat a bit but now it's okay. Mildly irritated with lex today....

lex: how are you going home?
me: walking back
lex: i can walk you home
me: ok
lex: i was just joking

moron.....but it's ok.

I was in town with annie yesterday. We went to plaza singapura to get some stuff from spotlight. She left early so i had to walk all the way back to hyatt by myself cos i parked there and i was in heels so i nearly died. I was telling this to loi yesterday...

loi: unbelievable
loi: coming from someone who wants to drive 30m to 7-11

hahaha......So anyway, i was walking back and i did a little bit of shopping alone. Every shop i went to were playing playing christmas songs, it totally pissed me off. I use to like Christmas =(

Decembers

2006-12-06T22:43:00.000+08:00

There is something about decemeber that is heartbreaking.

Red

2006-12-06T21:12:00.000+08:00

I dyed my hair with loi yesterday. It's red now and i love it! haha. I started buying a lot of funny stuff for my hair so it wouldn't lose colour like the last time round.

Met up with loi today, we were suppose to go to upper pierce today but it started to rain so we went to vivo city instead. It's like my fourth time going to vivo and i am finally convinced that i hate the place, it always spoils my day. It's always so damn bloody crowded, it's so hard to get around and I think there is something wrong with the way the building was built, it's really noisy...too much echo or something.

Met yirong for dinner after sending loi home. Haven't seen her for like 6 months! haha. Miss her la.

My expenditure hasn't decrease and i have no income at all haha....Oh well. It think i'll wait and see what happens when my money runs out haha.

Going to Penang next week, hope my throat gets better by then.

Why i love my brother

2006-12-04T22:57:00.000+08:00

[12/2/2006 12:20:11 AM] cheng xinpei says: i'm just angry at everything
[12/2/2006 12:20:31 AM] Ethan Cheng says: ...i think you are just stressed up lar...
[12/2/2006 12:20:36 AM] Ethan Cheng says: go and have fun a bit...
[12/2/2006 12:21:10 AM] cheng xinpei says: yeah
[12/2/2006 12:21:26 AM] Ethan Cheng says: you need any money?

haha I think my brother rocks la. I said no anyway...

I am bored

2006-12-04T11:39:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling better today. It's still swelling and looks disgusting but it doesn't hurt as much as before. I am damn bored at home now, i've been home the past few days doing absolutely nothing cos i felt too sick to go out. Today i'm feeling better and i wanna go out but no one is free....dumbasses. Why does loi have to work?! ....dumbass I hate you. I can't believe it's been close to a week after exams and i haven't had a single drop of alcohol? Where's my bloody Sangria?!

I'm suppose to have wsc tomorrow evening but i think i'm not going. I was asking the 'chairman' what tomorrow's activity is about and i think it is poorly planned and sounds absolutely stupid so i'm not going. The last time we had a meeting with that retard i almost died. Anyway i don't want to spread whatever it is i have to the kids.

I borrowed books from the library a few days back. I borrowed like 8 books and dumped them on my dining table. One of the books is called Why can't i remember? It's suppose to help reverse normal memory loss....totally forgot about it until today haha.

I am gross

2006-12-03T16:15:00.000+08:00

My throat looks really disgusting now. I'm so tempted to post a photo of my throat and gross everyone out. I'm guessing i need a tonsillectomy, i'm not sure so i'm going to see a doctor on monday and see how it goes. I have a really bad breath too. Anyway it's contagious so all of you stay away from me, never liked any of you anyway =P.

I've had porridge the past few days and i am so sick of it i completely stop eating but i feel kinda hungry now.........=( My throats hurts like fuck when i swallow food. I just had vanilla ice cream though, it's supose to relieve the throat and it works! I shall eat ice-cream for every meal =)

I am Miserable

2006-12-02T21:20:00.000+08:00

Suck Cock Buddies

2006-12-01T23:25:00.000+08:00

Lex just got his supp card today....*ahem showoff, haha joking la i am way worse. Anyway the other day while we were having lunch.

Lex: my dad is getting me a supp card
Me: oh cool, we can be supp card buddies!
Lex and i: sounds like suck cock buddies hahaha.

so lex is my suck cock buddy haha.

Anyway i have been doing some reflecting, i think i've been spending a little too much money and i am not even earning haha. I blame this entirely on Watson really haha....i seriously don't remember the last time we ate at a food court. I'm going to start making some changes from nowonwards.

1. I'm going to stop eating at restaurants
2. I won't drive unless absolutely necessary. What counts as absolutely necessary?
(a) Grocery shopping at Jelita
(b) Upper Pierce (cos it's such a bitch to take public transport there)
(c) When i am going to be out late but i am not sending anyone home, especially Annie and Xiaojuan haha.
3. Buying things that i need and not want.

I think that's about it for now =)

I have been reading a new book, it's a self help book. It's not very good, a lot were like stating the the obvious and repetetive but it did make some pretty good points to make me realise i do have a problem. So yeah...I'm kinda working on that for now =)

My throat is still sore =(

Build a bear

2006-12-01T02:12:00.000+08:00

I just received an email from Build a Bear Workshop. It's where Ginger was born and that was in the US. The email said 'you are welcome to our new outlet' and in my mind i was like what's the point if it's in US but NO it's opening one at Vivo! hahaha so cool la. I'm gonna make Steph and Xiaojuan build their on stuff toys too! and they can all play with Ginger!

still sick =(

In bed

2006-11-30T13:21:00.000+08:00

I just saw the doctor and he gave me a lot of medication. I love it when i get a lot of medicine, makes me feel like i'm really sick and need to be taken care of. *looks around my empty house...so i dun have someone to take care of me but it's fine i'm in bed and i can fantasize about it haha.

snooze......

Maybe i do need pity. Just write me a cheque and i will shut the fuck up.

2006-11-30T02:17:00.000+08:00

I'm in that zone again.

My throat hurts...have damn bad throat ulcer which i haven't had the time to see the doctor. It's swelling and a real bitch when i swallow my saliva. It's so bad that whenever i feel the need to swallow my saliva, i have to mentally prepare myself first.

I've never met someone whom i can really really hate.........i think i just did though.

Sorry i'm in a bad mood.

I feel like the lousiest person alive right now.........but hey i probably am right? Not just any kind of lousy....people could actually make me feel worthless but i made tons of people feel worthless too so i guess that kinda evens out.

It's like karma.

I can be the most petty and calculative person alive but i can also be very generous and forgiving....it's just a matter of which sides of me you manage to bring out.

I can't sleep. Sometimes i wonder if it's better to just give up and lead a life of sleepings pills and anti-depressants. It's better than feeling the way i do all the time. I've been this unhappy for like what?...One fucking year!

I hate being taken for granted of. I hate that i can go all out to do something to please people and feel so damn bloody unappreciated with all the selfish decisions people make. I have fucking selfish wants too and one of it is not chauffeuring people around of which i can choose not to.

Can we really live alone in this world? I think it's worth a try.

On losing people, some people are a loss and some are just a mistake to begin with.

My Gravest Mistake but i don't blame anyone for the mistakes i make.

I googled........i have tonsillitis. I just can't wait for morning to come and i can see a doctor for some antibiotics.

My brother is coming back in feb! I'm so excited. One of my friends is coming back from New York in late dec and i was like 'Buy ME KRISPY KREME!' hahaha

loi: says: -hugs I think that just saved me from jumping to my death. Why can't people just be nice all the time? I hate it when people have a bad day and they see the need to spread the hate. I have had really really bad days but i try not to take it out on people especially when they are just trying to be nice.

Flambe

2006-11-27T01:43:00.000+08:00

[1:44:18 AM] Ethan Cheng says: hey i was supposed to make a flaming omellete.. but my bacardi rum cannot be set on fire leh
[1:44:31 AM] cheng xinpei says: hahah how come?
[1:44:53 AM] Ethan Cheng says: dunno why...i think the alcohol content wasn't high enuff or something.
[1:45:12 AM] cheng xinpei says: yeah
[1:48:05 AM] cheng xinpei says: how did you set it on fire? did you put a match?
[1:48:41 AM] Ethan Cheng says: oh...no leh..i just rubbed two sticks together...
[1:48:52 AM] cheng xinpei says: idiot
[1:48:56 AM] Ethan Cheng says: of course i used a match lah!!

hmpf =(

Fucking pissed

2006-11-26T13:42:00.000+08:00

There's an indian wedding downstairs and they are playing that damn annoying music from downstairs and it's pissing me off really bad. PISSED PISSED PISSED. I think people should stop getting married, stop having children and let this be the last generation of human beings. We should just all die...bah.

Oh the Weather

2006-11-23T21:44:00.000+08:00

I met lex for lunch at holland today. ( i just decided that i won't call him alex anymore cos i really think it's a horrid name sorry....it's nothing personal, it's just that i've always found having to say alex such a tongue twister haha). I think there is something wrong with me, i keep feeling nauseous after eating and it doesn't help that he spat a morsel of the pasta he was having into my lunch while talking haha..pretty hilarious though, for a minute i thought i was lunching with Sam (kidding sorry...but you know it's true haha) Lex got a job at starhub that pays 9 ducks an hour.......very soon he can have his own duck farm.....(wert?)...sorry i have cukoo nest in my head with all the exams shit.....9 bucks! that's pretty awesome shit la! says he'll buy beer for loi and i when he gets his first paycheck........something tells me he's going to regret saying that haha. We should drag xiaojuan along...that's really gonna set his pockets on fire haha. Anyway his workplace is really near where i live so i just decided that he's going to be my lunch buddy after exams =) Anyway lunch was fun, talked and laughed and he looks hot in formal wear *tssss =) haha

I studied a bit at coffee bean after he left, stupidly ordered chamomile tea and then got really sleepy haha. Came home, slept, had dinner, nauseated, made lemon tea and ready to hit the books again =) I'm more of a night person anyway.

oooooohhh....i got pretty earrings at holland today=) It's in green! People who know me would also know that i hardly stray from shades of purple haha. I never really liked green, it's such a trendy color and color of 'other things' too (if you know what i mean haha) but they didn't have it in any other color and it was pretty =)

Meeting Annie for lunch again tomorrow =)

If i whine hard enough, will someone take pity on me? (*sarcastic laughter)

2006-11-22T02:18:00.000+08:00

I feel nauseous...must have ate something bad. I can't study and neither can i sleep....it's really pissing me off.

There are other things that are pissing me off really bad too....bah! I wish all of you would just eat poop and die and i mean all of you! ALL OF YOU! (i don't mean anyone specifically, it's just one of those days when i wish everyone would die, like really really)

On the plus side i am meeting annie for lunch tmr after my paper =) But the thought of lunch kinda make me wanna puke now.....hope this shitty feeling clears up by tmr =(

pouty pouty pouty.....wish i was a boy sometimes....=( *throws penny in wishing well *tink*

gosh i can feel myself going senile as the days go pass....i think something is eating my brain or maybe it is the Annie Disease.

I could really use something sour right now.......

It's funny how like in engineering, i learn all these big fancy words but they don't exactly make me feel smarter hmpf.

I love borat....on matchmaking 'she must not suffer from retardation' hahaha

I am retarding........= S

Whenever i feel sick i miss my mom, it's just one of those really precious moments in life, being taken care off. I remember the first time i was sick, my first fever( or rather when i was old enough to know what it is to be sick) . It was dinner time at my grandparents house, i was lying on the couch and i didn't feel like eating whatever they were cooking so she cooked an egg for me...only thing i ate and then brought me home. I remember when i was in Switzerland and i got food poisoning....missed her so bad. I was travelling with my brother and his gf that time and everyone knows how much i hate being with couples.....adds to my bloody lonliness.

I realise i made a lot of selfish decisions in my life....i have this photo of my mom in the living room and i've never been able to look at it without feeling this guilt so i just kinda stop looking at it.

If i had someone to take care of me...i would want to be sick forever =)

I bought a happy meal a few weeks ago...made me happy for a while =) But i didn't get the strawberry shortcake toy =( I want strawberry shortcake.

I want my strawberry short cake...can someone go eat a happy meal for me?

I rem when i was a kid...i had this video tape of carebears and watch it over and over and over again every afternoon haha. I wanted to be a carebear too...funny how i grew up lacking all the qualities of a carebear.

I feel better now...i think the greentea i had helped =) 5 more hours to my paper! 1 more week to life!

4 more papers

2006-11-20T21:56:00.000+08:00

1 week and 2 days, the longest week . missing loi, missing xiaojuan, missing annie (a lot!), missing beer.

Ok toodle-oo~ Fluid mechanics next...my fave.

A bitter film

2006-11-17T17:50:00.000+08:00

http://www.glumbert.com/media/lovestory

this is so funny.

On some days

2006-11-16T00:01:00.000+08:00

....i just want to die. ROAR

Conspiracy theory #244325123

2006-11-15T03:38:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to think that there is a conspiracy to make xinpei fail her exams, *round of applause doing a damn bloody good job. Man i am damn sleepy now...think i shall head back to slee.

Thank you Sam and many many others...you guys are probably in it together haha.

Lizx

2006-11-14T21:29:00.000+08:00

Say hi to my study buddy at macs. I named him lizx =) i'm dumping loi for him Haha lizx and i are going to be best budz from now on.

Hope

2006-11-14T04:49:00.000+08:00

For quite some time now it seemed like i was living life on a string that's just about to snap. Every good thing that i've ever believed in someone manages to come along and burst my bubble. I had so much faith in life, believing in forever, love, friendships, selflessness, truth... but time and again i feel like i was wrong. The past few months, i was struggling to find a reason to live. If the world is such an ugly place, why do we still put up with it?

I was just talking to my brother online and it means so much to me that he is so supportive of everything i do even if it means me being in the process of screwing up my life. It means so much to me that he doesn't see me as a failure, something i've always felt about myself, instead he has so much faith in me and just wants me to be happy. I spent everyday of my life judging myself and to know someone isn't judging me just warms my heart.

I must sound like a teenager now, this is something only a teenager would say. At my age to say anything that suggests optimism is scorned upon as juvenile and naive. Life may have its hard knocks and i am pretty sure in a few days from now i will be back to my normal state of hating the world but This words cannot describe, it gives me hope and strength. I've never felt more blessed and contented in my life.

Autism

2006-11-14T03:13:00.000+08:00

http://glennrowe.net/BaronCohen/AutismSpectrumQuotient/AutismSpectrumQuotient.aspx

Watson made me do this test. Anyway i got 24, i'm mildy autistic....explains a lot haha.

I just needed to be heard

2006-11-14T01:29:00.000+08:00

Back studying at Macs.

I was feeling so frustrated the whole day and i didn't know why and it just drove me nuts. I think it's this isolation from studying alone the whole week. I needed a break and i met up with Ronny, he just got back from australia and he lives around the area. I feel soooo good now...we went to his new house at holland and we just talked and stuff. I've had so much on my mind the past few weeks, non of which i can share with anyone. All i really needed was someone to talk to and there he is again for me =) I've never felt a greater load off me.........it's all i that i really needed...just someone to be there for me.

Going back to my books...never felt more sane =) I hope this new found sanity last till exams are over haha. I've been screwing up my sleep patterns studying till 5am the past few nights, i just hope i can get a clear mind for my morning papers heh.

Discontent

2006-11-13T21:21:00.000+08:00

Discontent says: i'm still frustrated
w says: play with rabbits
Discontent says: i'm studying outside now
Discontent says: west coast
w says: oh
w says: go play with ronald then
Discontent says: that sounded damn wrong la

Empty

2006-11-13T01:07:00.000+08:00

But at least i started studying again =|

Dumb whore

2006-11-12T19:45:00.000+08:00

Watson just sent me this link http://sassyjan.com/blog/?p=1007

Anyway junjie is my friend and he is nothing like what she claims. He is one of my best buds in secondary school and he is nothing like that. We may have drifted over the years but there is no way junjie is like that. If you knew junjie for yourself, you'll agree too. How could anyone do something like that, making up stories that is just utterly untrue and defaming a person like that. I am so fuming mad right now. ROAR Dumb bitch.

Guess this is how it'll be

2006-11-11T00:20:00.000+08:00

Signature Happy says: oooh i got my signature card today
Signature Happy says: =)
xiaojuan says: hahaa
Signature Happy says: yay go out for drinks after exams
xiaojuan says: my sugar mummy!!
Signature Happy says: let's get drunk and silly

Haha see money can buy love too haha. Xiaojuan is offically my bitch!

Signature Happy

2006-11-10T19:24:00.000+08:00

Welcoming a new addition to my Coach wallet.... I got the new Visa Signature card! 50% off drinks at the Loof...Loi sing 'Sangria, Sangria' along with me but i bet you can't once we go on our after exams drinking binge! hahaha. Free drinks at TCC every weekend. Free entrance to hyatt's private gym =) When all else fails in life. money can indeed buy happiness =) Kudos to hedonism and debauchery! I shall give my plat a well deserved break haha. I think i've been swiping my plat a tad too much...the platinum word on my card is fading off hahaha oh well.

Love advice from Desmond

2006-11-10T03:19:00.000+08:00

+~+~ SaInT DeSmOnD + ~ + ~: do u know if u don't orgasm on a regular basis, all the hormones in ur body will stop producing and u will not develope attractive features for the opposite sex.

HAHAHAHAHA i didn't even ask.

1997

2006-11-10T01:50:00.000+08:00

I wish there was a restart button to life and i would go back to 1997. Why 1997? It was the last time i remember being happy. If only it was like the movies and i would wake up someday and realise everything was just a twilight zone shit so i wouldn't have to make the mistakes that i did, Like the recent movie Click! starring Adam Sandlers.

*click click..........crap it's so not working.

Family guy

2006-11-05T23:03:00.000+08:00

My cousin sent me this photos a few weeks back. It's all the shopping he did in US haha, that's a whole lot of shit la and if you look closely is all Family Guy(tv show) stuff.

Longing

2006-11-05T16:08:00.000+08:00

long‧ing [lawng-ing, long-]

1.	strong, persistent desire or craving, esp. for something unattainable or distant

Another childish fit of anger

2006-11-05T13:15:00.000+08:00

hmpf.

I'm think i have a genetic disorder whereby i lack the ability to link my actions with consequences....right it's called impulse. Words do hurt but i have used it carelessly myself.

Annie

2006-10-31T00:05:00.000+08:00

On the phone with Annie now, i miss her so much. I love talking to her, she's just someone i can share everything with without having this feeling that i'm going to be judged.....cos she's as screwed up as i am hahahaha. *hugs love you la. I think she's the only person i feel that could understand me and see more of my good than my bad. She simply rocks haha. I love the sense of humour we share, bitchin about each other and all that. Words can't describe how much she means to me =) She doesn't try to understand me cos she doesn't have to...she just does.